I had a talk with a friend today about growing up, she probably thinks I have a lot of that to do still, but that's besides the point. We got talking about being young and the thoughts that go through our sometimes delusional minds. It got me thinking how when I was young I had a fire inside me. I was who I was and if the world didn't like me then fuck them. I had a passion for music, film, politics and life. Looking back I knew very little on any of them. I liked shitty, unoriginal music. If the film wasn't dark and shocking I didn't want to see it. I subscribed to the political views that "punk" music told me to, even if f I didn't believe it or understand it. And life ? Well, I'm still figuring that one out.

When I was younger I dyed my hair, I cursed the government who lets me freely curse it. Legalize drugs ? SURE. Legalize prostitution ? SURE. I still support the legalization of free-will prostitution. Anyways, moving on. Make horribly offensive comments at the worst time possible ? I still do that just not on purpose. My point is I was unique. An individual. Why is "The Man" trying to make me conform to YOUR society ? No one will take away my individuality. Dyed hair ? Tattoos ? A fuck the world attitude ? Come to think about it I had no individuality. I was exactly like everyone else at that point. Trying so hard to not conform that we eventually conformed to a group of non-conformers. Funny, the absurdity of youth. I say youth because that's when I went through this but you still see grown adults struggling with this.

Which leads me to my next thought. We want to be unique and make the world accept us. But do we accept the world ? I realized that the world would never accept me if I didn't accept the world. If I had the attitude of "I'm not going to change for the world, the world is going to change for me." Well, I'd be a very resentful, very unemployable asshole. You know all those songs about the counter-culture in the 70's ? Where are those people today ? If they didn't die, they're very rich today. Why ? Because they grew up and realized the way the world is. That doesn't make them jaded or sell outs. It makes them adults. I used to have a lot of hatred to bands "selling out". But why ? They are making money for what they are doing. They have families and mortgages to worry about. You can't support a family playing for 30 jobless kids who come see you play. The ones that don't are usually the ones you see being dropped off at a music festival by their 80 year old mother.

I don't write these for anyone. O.K. maybe my friend Darci gets on me when I don't write for awhile, but besides her. I know my rants won't change anyone's mind because someone else's rant never changed mine. I worked with a guy who always tried telling me that one day I'd realize the things he said were true. He even said one day I was going to say I wish I listened to that crazy old man. Well, that one day has arrived. He knew then that he couldn't change my mind just like I know I can't change anyone's mind. But one day they will understand this or they will get dropped off at a music festival by their 80 year old mother.

MORE TO COME ON MY STRUGGLES WITH ADDICTION AND LIFE.OK